Part 2 of 4: Life-Changing Take-Aways (What I Learned from Freedom Session)

Next week I will finally explain what the program “Freedom Session” is in more detail, but for now, here is the best part.

Have you ever been in denial? What about being in so much denial that you don't even know you are in denial? Welcome to my life :)

This is the first and biggest thing I learned from Freedom Session. I was in so much denial that it took me till the end of the program to continue getting out of denial. I’m still not done.  I was so wrapped up in being the victim. Yes, I have been hurt by people, (see Part 1), but that is where I pitched my tent. I was in denial about the fact that as I was being hurt, I was also hurting others.

How was I hurting others without being aware of it?

I was a young teenager. I experienced big changes in family dynamics, living situations, and people in and out of my life.

Any change involves some amount of pain: Losing weight involves the physical pain of exercising. Developing the healthy habit of patience involves a number of excruciating circumstances in which your patience is tested. Moving across the country involves the pain of initial loneliness.

Because the changes in my life were painful, and involved my family, I associated the pain with my family. To protect myself from the pain, I withdrew from my family. I stopped opening up to them; I stopped spending time with them. Friends were safer.

As I was protecting myself from the pain of being hurt and feeling abandoned, I was simultaneously abandoning those I loved in return. I was in denial. I thought I was the victim and needed to protect myself, but I was also the perpetrator in hurting my family by abandoning them.

Can you see the crazy cycle???? 

Experience hurt --> withdraw --> hurt others. 

Over and over and over again! 

Mind blowing.

God so graciously and gently removed the blindfold I was wearing and allowed me to see that I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I couldn't fully deal with and move on from my past experiences until I could face God's truth of what happened, instead of only seeing my perceived truth. Now I have slowly been able to repair relationships with my family. What a gift that is!

Freedom Session isn’t a magic program that broke me out of denial; God used this safe and specific environment to open my eyes to the truth.

My second biggest take-away was a change in my daily priorities and activity. I start most days with God, praying and reading the Bible. I am imperfectly choosing to have a good attitude and surrender my thoughts to God. I am learning to express my emotions, label them and actually feel them.

My life is more of a mess now than it was before! As my priorities are shifting, the image I tried so hard to create has some loose ends that are unraveling. But I am learning to be okay with that!

If the only thing I accomplish in a day (besides feeding and keeping my children alive) is spending time with God, then that day was successful. No more constant striving to complete tasks and have things to show.  No more focusing on the outer appearance of my life. My heart is what needs to change and grow.

I am eternally grateful that that though I was once blind, now I see. The sunglasses are off, I can see clearly!