All over social media, people had been posting things like "2016 - The Worst Year Ever", and "Can't wait for 2016 to be over".
Even though 2016 wasn't the WORST YEAR EVER, it was a pretty hard one in my books as well.
On paper, this should have been a great year for me. We had a beautiful baby girl in March and I started a full year of maternity leave, we bought and moved into a new house, we had a lot of family come and visit, and we did a lot of fun things as a family.
Despite these wonderful events, I couldn't wait for 2016 to be over so we could have a year of normal.
My goal for this past year was to THRIVE. Dictionary.com defines "Thrive" as "to prosper; be fortunate or successful". I expected it to be the best year yet: I wanted to feel my best, be in the best shape, have the most fun, be the closest to God, excel in my parenting, have the best marriage, and so on.
If I was a Christian growing in her walk with God, then I should be thriving in my life, shouldn't I?
After all, even the lyrics from a Casting Crown's song said "We were made to more than just survive, we were made to thrive".
As the months of 2016 wore on, I didn't feel like I was thriving at all, I felt like I was SURVIVING.
And I was the queen of my own pity party, to top it off.
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I'm so exhausted from my baby waking up 5 times a night!"
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I can only eat certain foods!" (Due to baby not being able to digest many foods that were being transferred through breast milk.)
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I can't exercise (or walk even!) with a badly injured ankle!"
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I'm going through Freedom Session and having to deal with hard things!"
I wanted more than anything to enjoy life, to be thankful, to make the most out of every situation. But I was stuck, with a bad attitude, only focusing on the negative.
Here is where I got it all wrong: thriving is a matter of the HEART, it's not a matter of physical circumstances.
I spent this whole year trying to squeeze my circumstances into a mold I could work with. All the while, God was trying to mold my heart into His likeness, into His plan.
In Hosea, chapter two, God is depicting what will happen to a wayward Israel, and how He will bring "her" back to Himself.
"Therefore I am not going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (meaning trouble) a door of hope." (Hosea 2:14-15)
2016 felt like a year in the wilderness to me. But I have hope, because God wants my heart back.
In the lowest places, we find God's tender presence. This is what I want 2017 to look like. I am praying for God's presence, and a heart and mind that are thriving, despite what my physical circumstances may look like.
