A Hot Mess and the Only Way

I filled up the paper cups at the water fountain and carried them over to where my husband and our friends were sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room. I had to be helpful in some way, try to make the terrible situation a little bit better. It was my fault we were there, after all.

Shortly after half-forcing our friends to drink their tiny cups of water, the nurse called my husband back to be seen by the doctor. I wheeled JP to a room, anxiously awaiting the results of his injury.

What started as a friendly game of pickup soccer in the field by our house had quickly turned disastrous.  

The score was tied and as it was fast approaching time to join our family for Easter dinner, we had to up the stakes.

Next goal wins.

The teams were girls versus boys so we girls had a lot to prove, and being slightly competitive, I had to win. Losing wasn’t even on my radar. JP had the ball down by my team’s net, so I sprinted toward him. I could not let my own husband be the cause of the girls losing. Just as I went to kick the ball away from him, he turned his hip and leg toward me to block me from kicking the ball.

I was already mid-kick… My foot did not collide with the ball; it collided with the back of his calf and swept his leg out. Down he fell with a crack, a crunch, and a pop.

As I was driving him to Urgent Care, I had to pull over because I was crying so hard I could not see the road. I had never felt so terrible, sorry and fully responsible as I did in that moment. The weight of my mistake, although it was an accident, was unbearably heavy.

Have you ever felt that stuck? Hopefully you haven’t sent anyone to Urgent Care, but perhaps you’ve been in a situation where there was nothing you could do to make things better? Or have you been completely at fault and deserving of all the blame?

Moments like these remind us that we are not invincible; that we missed the mark by more than a mile and we can’t dig ourselves out of the pit.

Last week we talked about the need to make room in our lives and hearts for what is most important – Jesus.

But what is so good about Him anyway? Why is He worth making room for?

Perhaps you’ve heard that Jesus’ way is better than ours, that He can help us, and that He can make our lives better.

Is that why He’s so important? Is that it, that He can make our lives better?

I’m glad you asked!

Life with Jesus is better than life without Him, but what is so good about Jesus is more than that.

Picture the world before Jesus arrived as a newborn baby. The world was spiritually dead, separated from God. People were lost, purposeless, and either striving (and failing) to keep the multitude of laws, or slaves to every desire, painfully ignorant of God’s existence.

The world couldn’t be right with God or have access to Him, they couldn’t experience everything that God is and brings, because sin kept them in darkness. They didn’t even know what they were missing, but their current way of life left them feeling empty and unsatisfied.

Just at that moment when darkness was engulfing everything, creeping in like a cold shadow, the source of light burst forth like the glorious morning sun, eliminating the darkness. Jesus Christ was born, the One who brought life to the walking dead.

“In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind,” (John 1:4).

Life comes from Jesus; He is the source.  Without Him, there is no life, only death. If we understood the implications of this, how might it transform our lives?

Before Jesus was born as a baby, the world was spiritually dead. The world was in darkness, and humanity could do anything to change that.

The Bible, in John chapter one, tells us that the life that was in Jesus was the “light of all mankind” (verse 4) and that “the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it” (verse 5). We get a glimpse into the state of the world and peoples’ hearts when Jesus entered it. There was darkness in the world, and peoples’ hearts were dead. People were living, but they didn't know the abundant life Jesus would bring.

Before Jesus, there was no option. Humanity was held captive to their sin. But through Jesus alone, there is hope for those of us who get ourselves into situations we can't fix, similar to the predicament I found myself in at Urgent Care. 

There is a better way, and it is available to anyone who wants it, who surrenders control of their life and trusts God's way. 

When we realize that there is no life apart from Jesus, it seems pretty silly for us to try and dig ourselves out of the messes we find ourselves in.

When we still think we can handle things on our own, we don't let God have His way. But when we stop for a moment, confess that we can’t do a single thing about the state of our hearts, and ASK God for help, He will do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine.

Jesus is not the best; He is the only.

In John 14:5 Jesus says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Jesus is the only way to God, to life overflowing, and to resting in perfect love. He is everything we need and He alone will satisfy our restless souls.

Making room for Jesus is worth it every single time because we can’t do it without Him. When we make space in our hearts for Him, He fills that void with Himself until He spills over into every area of our lives and the lives of those around us.

JP on the left with our equally injury-prone brother-in-law, Brad.

An x-ray and MRI later revealed the extent of JP’s knee injury – a fractured patella.

I couldn’t fix his knee, take the pain away, undo the injury, or make up for feeling like I was the worst wife ever. I had to accept defeat and admit that I couldn’t do anything to undo the past. But I didn’t have to sit in that shame – as I turned my helplessness and pain over to love Himself, He covered my inadequacy and filled the void.

Will you take a chance on the giver of life and trust that He is worth making room for?

I have never been disappointed by making room in my heart and letting God fill my heart. 

I trust you won't be either.  

Making Room for Something Better

With Christmas right around the corner, the only way I can stay organized and not turn into the Grinch is to make lists, lists and more lists! I have lists for presents, lists for food, and lists for tasks like cleaning the house and baking.

One of the most pressing tasks that I want to accomplish before Christmas is to de-clutter my house. We always seem to accumulate stuff, and because Christmas is coming, we will be getting more. I love opening presents on Christmas morning, but I will need to have room to put everything away afterward.  

I started with my walk-in closet this week, because I was running out of hangers and space. After hours of taking things out, sorting, folding, hanging, organizing, I had two large garbage bags of things to donate and newly found space in my closet. It surprised me how much stuff I had that I didn't need.

I was more than willing to put in the time and effort to go through my closet because I know that something better is coming.  

When Mary and Joseph travelled to Bethlehem shortly before the birth of Jesus, they couldn’t find a place to stay anywhere because every inn and guest room was full. The only place they found was a stable, so when Jesus was born, they wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger.

The innkeepers’ rooms were too full, which also reflected the state of their hearts: They had no room in their hearts for Jesus the Messiah, the Savior of the world. They missed the opportunity to meet Him that night because they didn’t have room.

Is my heart too full for Jesus right now?

Is your heart too full?

If He knocked on our door would we have room for Him? Would we recognize Him?

The innkeepers were concerned with making a profit from renting out rooms to people in need. If they knew just who it was was knocking at their doors, they probably would have kicked some people out to make room. But they didn’t know, because they weren’t anticipating Jesus’ arrival.

We ARE anticipating His arrival. Although His birth happened over 2000 years ago, we know He still wants to meet with us today. We have the opportunity to let Him in to our hearts, so what are we going to do about it?

We fill our lives with many things – many good things! We work and raise our children. We have hobbies and passions we like to entertain. We have people in our lives who are important. We have needs and wants to be met.

Let’s not forget about the unwelcome things that take up residence, like worry, stress, control, fear, anxiety, and guilt.

Especially approaching the holidays, we seem to cram as much as we can into the little time we have. We need to buy gifts, make cookies and decorate the tree. We have good intentions; we want to have a great Christmas.

But among the business and the to-do lists, are we making room for what is really important?

Is the seemingly important taking the space of the MOST important?

We need the space in our lives for when we meet with Jesus. He is better than anything else that could be taking His place in our hearts.

I am always tempted around Christmas time to focus on making everything perfect. I have ideas in my head of what this season should look like, down to making the tastiest charcuterie board and playing pond hockey with my siblings as much as possible. But those things aren’t the most important.

Many of the clothing items I donated were still nice and in good shape. I just don’t need them as much as I want what is coming (preferably in the form of Lululemon or new socks).

I will still enjoy Christmas even if I don’t end up de-cluttering everything beforehand. But leaving presents piled around the living room instead of having space to put them away is not desirable. Our lives can get cluttered, but there’s a better way. I can choose to clean out my closet beforehand to make room.

If we don’t make room, we miss out on what is to come. I don’t want to miss out on what Jesus has for me because I am too preoccupied with less important things. 

With God, the best is always yet to come, because He always has more of Himself to offer us. And the more we have of Him, the better and more full life is. 

If nothing else gets done before Christmas, I pray that my heart will be ready and have room to receive Him.  

The beautiful truth is that we can carve out the space to meet with Jesus every day, not just at Christmas. We just might need to make some adjustments.

What areas of your heart are cluttered with things that could be taking the place of Jesus?

Stay tuned for WHY Jesus is better than whatever else could be taking up the space in our lives and hearts.

When You Want One Thing, but God Wants Another

Have you ever told God that you want to follow Him, to say "yes" without hesitation, and to surrender your every day life and plans to Him? Well that is exactly what I have been doing the past couple months, and yet when He delivers, it's not usually how or when I want it.

This is the view I have had for the past 6 hours or so waiting in the Calgary airport to get on a standby flight to Abbotsford.

While driving to the airport this morning, I checked the passenger load and there were 6 seats available on my flight and only two of us standby people trying to get on. I was basically guaranteed a seat. By the time we checked our bags and went through security, there was now only ONE seat open! 

Apparently the bad weather we are having was causing flights to be cancelled, passengers arriving to the airport late, and every flight being sold out. 

I prayed: "Lord, I really want to get on this flight. Really badly! Can you please help me to get on this flight".

 

Half an hour later, they called me to the front, and handed me a boarding pass with a seat! Someone hadn't checked in, so I got their seat.

Praise the Lord! Relief swept over me and my mood changed instantly. The worry of waiting had turned to joy.

I wish that was the end of my story, BUT...

Right before everyone had finished boarding, the last passenger arrived to the gate, so they took my ticket away, loaded everyone else, and I watched through the airport window as the plane drove down the runway.
I should mention that JP was also on the plane that had just left, because he had a confirmed seat.

I was hurt. I said, "God, I know that you could have helped me to get on that flight, but you didn't. Why not?"

Jeremiah 29:11 " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.' "

This is my struggle with following God wholeheartedly, and telling him that whatever He wants, I will say "yes" to. I KNOW He has the power to do ANYTHING, and I KNOW His plans for me are for my GOOD, but I also know that He has a plan, and I have a plan, and if I surrender to His plan, I MIGHT NOT GET WHAT I WANT.

There it is. 

That's hard for me, to give up what I want. And why do I always feel like everything God wants for me will be the complete opposite to what I want? 

Then, while waiting for the next flight (still on standby), guess who had just arrived on a plane to the Calgary airport, 50 feet away from me?

My very own mother, a flight attendant.

Now she could come to my rescue, and help me book a confirmed flight because the next flight to Abbotsford (that I was trying to get on) was also SOLD OUT!!

We tried booking a confirmed flight to Abbotsford. That didn't work, all the flights were sold out. We tried booking a confirmed flight to Vancouver. That didn't work either, we didn't have enough time to book it before the flight took off. Then we tried to change my standby flight to fly into Vancouver. But the line was so busy with passengers changing their flights, that we would have to wait half an hour to talk to someone. 

Then my mom had to go because she was working the next flight to Kelowna and her plane was about to board. 

I did what some girls might do: I went I the bathroom and cried. 

I had been looking forward to this trip for months, and had planned out every little detail in my head to the way I wanted it to go. It was the first time JP and I were going to be away from the girls since Cosette was born, and every minute was precious - too precious to be wasting hours sitting in an airport, alone. 

I said, "God, how come what I want isn't important to you????? How can you say you care about me when you don't care about the things that are important to me??" And then I said, "I don't want to learn a lesson, and I don't want to do things your way today. I just want things to go my way FOR ONCE."

I laugh now about the "FOR ONCE" part, because the truth is that I ALWAYS want my way. Not just once, but every time. 

I had no choice, I just had to go back to my gate and wait to see if I could somehow get on a flight that was already sold out. 

I said, "Fine God, I obviously can't do it my way, so you can have your way. I give up."

I had almost no hope of getting on that plane. But right at the last minute, one of the passengers (a flight attendant) offered to fly in the jump seat (in the cockpit) so that I could take his seat on the plane!!!!! 

Now I'm on the plane, flying to Abbotsford, and I keep thinking about why God doesn't just give us what we want all the time. 

One thing God showed me is that when we ask Him to work in our lives, He usually does it in a way we don't expect.  He also always requires us to give something up: It could be our control, our timing, our pride, our plans, our comfort, or what we want in that moment. 

God is trying to work in my life, but if I keep digging in my heels and fighting God's plans, it will only make the process more painful.

And despite my stubbornness and bad attitude, God was still gracious, and I still made it to the wedding.

What area of your life are you being resistant to the work God is trying to do?

Surviving vs. Thriving (A Reflection of 2016 and New Hope for 2017)

All over social media, people had been posting things like "2016 - The Worst Year Ever", and "Can't wait for 2016 to be over".

Even though 2016 wasn't the WORST YEAR EVER, it was a pretty hard one in my books as well.

On paper, this should have been a great year for me. We had a beautiful baby girl in March and I started a full year of maternity leave, we bought and moved into a new house, we had a lot of family come and visit, and we did a lot of fun things as a family.

Despite these wonderful events, I couldn't wait for 2016 to be over so we could have a year of normal.

My goal for this past year was to THRIVE. Dictionary.com defines "Thrive" as "to prosper; be fortunate or successful". I expected it to be the best year yet: I wanted to feel my best, be in the best shape, have the most fun, be the closest to God, excel in my parenting, have the best marriage, and so on.

If I was a Christian growing in her walk with God, then I should be thriving in my life, shouldn't I?

After all, even the lyrics from a Casting Crown's song said "We were made to more than just survive, we were made to thrive".

As the months of 2016 wore on, I didn't feel like I was thriving at all, I felt like I was SURVIVING.

And I was the queen of my own pity party, to top it off.

"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I'm so exhausted from my baby waking up 5 times a night!"
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I can only eat certain foods!" (Due to baby not being able to digest many foods that were being transferred through breast milk.)
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I can't exercise (or walk even!) with a badly injured ankle!"
"God, it's pretty hard to thrive when I'm going through Freedom Session and having to deal with hard things!"

I wanted more than anything to enjoy life, to be thankful, to make the most out of every situation. But I was stuck, with a bad attitude, only focusing on the negative.

Here is where I got it all wrong: thriving is a matter of the HEART, it's not a matter of physical circumstances.

I spent this whole year trying to squeeze my circumstances into a mold I could work with.  All the while, God was trying to mold my heart into His likeness, into His plan.

In Hosea, chapter two, God is depicting what will happen to a wayward Israel, and how He will bring "her" back to Himself.

"Therefore I am not going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (meaning trouble) a door of hope." (Hosea 2:14-15)

2016 felt like a year in the wilderness to me. But I have hope, because God wants my heart back.  

In the lowest places, we find God's tender presence. This is what I want 2017 to look like. I am praying for God's presence, and a heart and mind that are thriving, despite what my physical circumstances may look like.